Recommended Reading

• Self Improvement
• The Power of SelfCoaching The Five Essential Steps
• 50 SelfHelp Classics 50 Inspirational Books to Transform
• Treatment of Depression
• Is depression a state of mind
• Vitamins Promoting Healthy Aging
• Vitamin E and Healthy Aging
• The Work Environment in Healthy Aging
• Things to do to Live Healthy while Aging
• The Stressful Actions behind Healthy Aging
• Help the Alcoholic before They Hit Bottom

Recommended Reading

• Self Improvement
• What You Can Change and What You Can’t
• 50 SelfHelp Classics 50 Inspirational Books to Transform
• Treatment of Depression
• Is depression a state of mind
• Vitamins Promoting Healthy Aging
• Vitamin E and Healthy Aging
• The Work Environment in Healthy Aging
• Things to do to Live Healthy while Aging
• The Stressful Actions behind Healthy Aging
• Help the Alcoholic before They Hit Bottom

Recommended Reading

• Self Improvement
• What You Can Change and What You Can’t
• The Power of SelfCoaching The Five Essential Steps
• Treatment of Depression
• Is depression a state of mind
• Vitamins Promoting Healthy Aging
• Vitamin E and Healthy Aging
• The Work Environment in Healthy Aging
• Things to do to Live Healthy while Aging
• The Stressful Actions behind Healthy Aging
• Help the Alcoholic before They Hit Bottom

When you were raising that houseful of kids, it seemed that there was never a moment’s peace for you. Of course, as a parent you like being with your children. But when you got home from a long days work, sometimes a little peace and quiet was what you were hoping for rather than a chorus of needs, demands, complaints and requirements for litigation of their petty squabbles. But that’s what you got and you were dad so you took care of business for your family.

Or if you had the kids around all day as the primary caregiver, as much as you loved them, they did get under your skin sometimes. It’s funny now that you are settled into your senior citizen world that when you think back on those hectic days, you almost miss them.

In our senior years, we have the opposite problem from getting too much of the kids. The challenge you have which is a universal problem seniors go through, is how to get more of the kids not less. There are plenty of enticements to make you want to see them more. They are grown up now so when you see them, it’s like visiting with a friend rather than mentoring a youth. They are the adults now so they might even pick up the tab at the restaurant from time to time. And of course, there is that one magical world that draws to you want to see your children all the time– grandchildren.

So how do you go about enticing those kids to invite you over? You don’t want it to be something they do out of guilt. You want winning not whining when it comes to finding ways to make them want to see you as much as you want to see them.

Whining is universally ineffective. Nonetheless, if you poll other senior citizens, the guilt and whining and guilt method of trying to get their kids attention seems to be the mode of the day. A better way to create that same desire in your kids to see you is to be to them who they want you to be – wise old granddad and sweet loving grandma.

If the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, that principle certainly applies when it comes to your children and grandchildren. And your kids, no matter how great their married life is, have warm memories of your apple pie or that special smell of cinnamon roles that only mom can make. So bake for them often and let them know the kitchen is always open at grandma’s house and moochers are honored guests here.

Sometimes it gets overlooked in the hubbub of raising a family but your children will always need their mommy and daddy. If the door is open for them to call you or drop by for a glass of wine and some sage counsel, they will come through that door. Don’t be pushy and don’t be whiney about it. But if you gently check in with them and when you hear that special tone in your offspring’s voice that is quietly saying, “Daddy I need help”, you have a special coded phrase you can use to bring them to you.

For me, whenever my kids needed me but were too proud or too much a “teenager” to ask, I just said softly and lovingly, “What’s eating you, Sweetpea?” That phrase said it all. It said that the court of wise counsel was open for business and that this was an ear that would listen before it spoke and never judge you no matter what a mess you may have gotten yourself into.

Then there is that magic word we spoke of earlier – grandchildren. Those little bundles of energy love to see grandpa and grandma. So by keeping the door open to them, your kids will find ways to get their little ones over to see you. Whether its for the cookies or the counsel or the chance for the little ones to hear grandpa’s jokes or for your daughter in law to learn your secret for growing prize winning tomatoes, you have some bait to lure those kids to come see you. So use that bait to entice them to see you. And the more they find grandmas house is a place of fun and love, the more they will love to come over.

PPPPP 741

Recommended Reading

• Self Improvement
• What You Know that They Don’t Know
• The Hardest Words
• The Vacation You Have Been Waiting For
• The Craftiness of Crafts
• The Best Senior Citizens Ever
• Smart Senior Shoppers
• Should you Buy Before you Die?
• Rebuilding Bridges
• Sharing the Grief
• Opening the Flood Gate of Communications with the Grandkids

Several years ago, on the popular comedy show Saturday Night Live, a skit was often presented called “Middle Aged Guy”. In this skit an overweight middle aged man was a super hero to come to the aid of young couples who don’t know basic things like how a 401K works or how to unplug a kitchen sink. It was a funny skit but it also pointed up something about aging that it’s important to remember. And that is that you are valuable to your kids and their families because there are things you know that they don’t know.

If Middle Aged Man has a treasure trove of knowledge about life and how to take care of problems, Senior Citizen Man (or Woman) can put him to shame in no time. It isn’t that you are necessarily that terribly smart or wise or gifted. But you have lived a full life. You have completed schooling, found a career, gotten married, had kids, managed investments and all of the details along the way. So you can be a valuable source of knowledge and advice to young people if they will just look your way for some help.

It’s hard when you are retired and your kids are getting started in life and you see them struggling. You want to do like you did when they were little and just step in and say, “Here. Let me fix that.” But this is their time to learn as they go and they need to have that experience of trying things, failing, trying again and finally winning.

Middle Aged Man seemed to focus on the little details of life that you do pick up along the way in life. But there are some serious issues of life that you also have a lot of wisdom about that you would like to pass along to the kids including…

§ How to deal with marriage problems. How to resolve the tough marriage struggles. Or if separation or divorce must happen, you may know a lot about how to get through that nightmare with some mutual respect and affection. § How to keep the lines of communications open to your children. § How to deal with adult temptations of fidelity, drugs, alcohol and other areas of excess that can destroy your life if you are not careful. § How to make quality decisions about friendship, religion, politics and ethics. § The value of loyalty, honesty and integrity in business and in your private dealings with others.

The problem is not in having this hard earned knowledge but in finding ways to impart it to your adult kids. How do you continue to keep the communications lines open now that your son or daughter are adults, dealing with family and work issues and just don’t have time to sit down and chew the fat with their old dad or mom? Well there are some ways you can give them access to your wisdom and enjoy some time of intimate discussion with them as well.

One great way to create communication opportunities with your married kids is to resurrect some tradition from their younger life. Perhaps find a way to take your son and grandson camping. Then around the camp fire, there is lots of time to share. Or arrange a girl’s only baking party. As you make lots of treats for the holidays, she can pour her heart out to her mommy.

Modern parents are very often computer savvy. So if your married son or daughter uses the computer a lot, they may be up to date on modern computer communications such as email and instant messaging. So if they are up on it, you can take a crash course in communications from the senior citizens center and get up to date yourself. Email and instant massaging can become highly interactive to where you can spend hours “talking” to your son or daughter online. And they can talk to you while working on the budget or doing other internet related activities. It’s an outstanding new technology way to stay in touch.

Above all make yourself available to your kids to come to you on their terms. If your son or daughter or their spouses know you are a source of unconditional love and non-judgemental advice, they can come and pick your brain and get access to the vast wells of knowledge that is there.

PPPPP 744

Recommended Reading

• Self Improvement
• Winning or Whining
• The Hardest Words
• The Vacation You Have Been Waiting For
• The Craftiness of Crafts
• The Best Senior Citizens Ever
• Smart Senior Shoppers
• Should you Buy Before you Die?
• Rebuilding Bridges
• Sharing the Grief
• Opening the Flood Gate of Communications with the Grandkids

We face a lot of hard moments in life. As you have raised your family, dealt with business issues and tried to be an upstanding citizen in your path from youth to retirement, you have many moments you are proud of. But anyone who has successfully come to their senior years also has a few relationships and moments that they are not proud of as well.

One of the hardest to things to admit is that you ever were wrong. But the chances are that by this stage in your life, you can look back and think of times when you did treat people badly, where you were in the wrong and were not honest or ethical or moral in some aspect of life. But in the middle of a struggle, when we do behave in a shameful way, it’s easy to just get past it, bury it in your mind and let the passage of time wipe away that memory.

But your senior years are about more than just trips to casinos and sleeping until noon. It is also about reviewing the life you lived and cerebrating the joys and successes you have had. But to be honest with yourself, you cannot rejoice in the good without remembering those times when you were the one doing wrong and the people you hurt and the damage that was caused by your mistakes.

This is hard to think about but as a mature senior adult, now is the time to decide if you are going to make that situation right or not. Facing your senior years is about putting your affairs in order so you can live out the balance of your days with a peaceful mind and a happy heart. And you are not going to be able to go to your grave knowing you did all you can to be the quality person you set out to be until you do what you can to fix the things you broke as well.

In many cases, all that you have to do to resolve a mistake you made or to fix a broken relationship is to be prepared to say the two hardest words there are in the English language. And those words are – I’m sorry.

It would be a shame that would border on a Shakespearian tragedy if you look back at your life and identify those broken relationships that were caused by your pride, your impetuous activity or your greed. Some of those relationships may be very important to you and to leave them broken as you move into your retirement years is more than just a shame, it’s unimaginable. So how do you go about saying your sorry and saying “I’m sorry” to someone with whom relationship ended a long time ago?

Perhaps the easiest way to accomplish this very hard part of setting your affairs in order is to work through someone who can help make it happen. Suppose that in your young adult years, something happened in the family finances and you said something or did something to hurt your brother which caused that relationship to die. Now, decades from that event, that little financial squabble seems small and far away. But the hurt of that broken relationship is painful to you every time you think of it.

It was you that caused that relationship to fail. You know that when you look in the mirror but your pride keeps you from calling your brother and just saying “I’m sorry. Let’s be family again.” But that’s what you want.

So perhaps another family member can be of assistance. Another sibling may be able to mend this family rift and be happy to see that relationship restored. If you can call that sister who still loves you and still loves your brother, she may be able to help soften the hurt feelings and be the mediator between two hurt brothers who desperately to be reconciled.

You can bet that your sister would be thrilled to be the one to bring you two together. This is just one example of a way to reach out and say the hardest words ever to fix a mistake you made in life. It’s a way to reach out to that person you hurt and just say – I’m sorry.

PPPPP 723

Recommended Reading

• Self Improvement
• Winning or Whining
• What You Know that They Don’t Know
• The Vacation You Have Been Waiting For
• The Craftiness of Crafts
• The Best Senior Citizens Ever
• Smart Senior Shoppers
• Should you Buy Before you Die?
• Rebuilding Bridges
• Sharing the Grief
• Opening the Flood Gate of Communications with the Grandkids

One of the things many of us do as we dream of the life of retirement and living in our golden years is to enjoy some adventures and vacations that you may have put off when raising the kids. When you have those little ones in your life, you don’t want to miss a single summer when you can take them to Disneyworld or to discover America with them so you can make memories with your family. So if your library of vacation pictures is mostly with Mickey and Goofy or on a huge water slide at Sea World, those are memories worth keeping forever.

But now that the kids are off with families of their own and you are in these years that are just for you. So now its time for the vacation you have been waiting for. Its time for a vacation that is an adventure but also one in which you wallow in the lap of luxury. It time for a vacation that you see exotic things but never have a need that some eager servant isn’t there to fulfill.

And there is no other vacation thrill that meets this dream of the perfect retirement vacation than to take a cruise. A cruise of the Caribbean can give you the chance to see exotic locations and be just as adventurous as you want to be. I know when I first thought of being on a boat for 10 days, it seemed like the most boring prospect possible. But there just isn’t any time to be bored on a Caribbean cruise.

Even without getting off the ship, your cruise operators will be there to provide you with swimming, shuffleboard, deep sea fishing and just about any kind of amusement you can think of. But since this is your time to kick back and relax now that you are in your retirement years, no worries if you want nothing more than to lay on deck and watch the world go by. Your cruise servants will just make sure your drink is never empty or just leave you to read Moby Dick or just have the best nap you have ever enjoyed.

Are there any tips you should be aware of before going on your Caribbean cruise? Well you are going out to sea so if you think sea sickness is likely, see your doctor before leaving and take your meds before getting on board so that kind of discomfort doesn’t ruin a single moment of your fun during the trip.

If there is any real danger to be aware of it is overindulgence. You will be provided with such a feast of food, drink and party opportunities that if you don’t pace yourself, you could wear yourself out in the first few days out to sea. So get your rest and watch your consumption. Be aware that the rich foods that you are enjoying so much might be a bit much for your constitution. You can get your exercise with that morning turn around the deck or in an invigorating swim in the on board pool.

To maximize your enjoyment, do some research up front about where you will be stopping so you know what to enjoy and what kind of shopping you want to be sure to do while you are there. Many of the shore leave opportunities on your Caribbean cruise offer fun and exotic things to discover that you can enjoy in advance with a bit of reading and study about the native lands that are your playgrounds for a few days on your cruise.

You can easily get “hooked” on the excitement and fun of a Caribbean cruise. You certainly deserve to be pampered and have an adventure now that you have reached that plateau in your life of retirement. So get out there and have a great time. And take lots of pictures. They will give you just as much joy as the ones of you standing there with Mickey and Goofy.

PPPPP 678

Recommended Reading

• Self Improvement
• Winning or Whining
• What You Know that They Don’t Know
• The Hardest Words
• The Craftiness of Crafts
• The Best Senior Citizens Ever
• Smart Senior Shoppers
• Should you Buy Before you Die?
• Rebuilding Bridges
• Sharing the Grief
• Opening the Flood Gate of Communications with the Grandkids

Retired life often brings along with it more free time than we are used to. While having time to do things you always dreamed of doing and to just take life slow seemed like a dream when you were working for a living, raising kids and dealing with a mortgage. There never seemed to be enough time to do anything.

As is the case with many of our “dreams”, the reality of that lifestyle doesn’t always live up to our imagination. Now that you are a senior citizen, sometimes you are not able to motivate yourself to get out there and accomplish those things you have been putting off for decades. For one thing, you may not know how to write the great American novel or take on some other big ambition. Big jobs require time to get your stamina and abilities up to the challenge. So what you need are some smaller scale accomplishments to jump start the process.

This is where crafts come in. While you may feel like you have sold out to the life of just passing time doing crafts, the truth is if you want to become a great painter, you will have to learn to paint every day. And by doing prepared crafts or learning to make things with your hands, you can include your painting ambition in that plan. When you sell your first great pieces of art to a gallery in New York, you don’t have to tell them you got your start doing paint by numbers sets at the senior citizens center.

But there is a method to your madness at making crafts a big part of your lifestyle as a senior citizen. You can use crafts as a means to an end to accomplish some other goals in your retirement life. This is part of the craftiness of crafts that by becoming a member of a creative community, you also reap the benefits of “community” which are worthwhile goals whether you make anything worthwhile or not.

From a mental health point of view, crafts are a great way to keep your mental atmosphere in good shape. It’s undeniable that just the act of creating something does a world of good for your feelings about life in general. And if you love crafts as so many do, you can start a whole new passion late in life which you can finally afford to give in to with abandon because many of the “cares of life” are behind you now.

A more crafty byproduct of doing crafts is the good it does for one of the biggest problems of senior citizen life which is loneliness. Your retirement center or local senior citizens center may sponsor craft session routinely. There other creative people in your peer group come out pass happy hours at a crafting table. By becoming a regular at those crafting tables too, you can forge new friendships and maybe meet a new friend of the opposite sex while you’re at it. Nothing wrong with that.

But probably the most crafty thing about becoming a grandma or granddad who makes crafts is your home will become a creative playground. And who likes playgrounds? Grandkids love playgrounds. You can stock your crafting closet with paints, crafting supplies and all the fun accessories that go with it. Then when your grandkids find out that going to grandma’s house means making fun things, they will bug mom and dad to death for more time with you.

It’s tricky but it works and it’s a totally legitimate way to make your home a place where the little ones come to be. You get to see them more, you get more friends at daily craft sessions and your self esteem goes up every day. That is what I call one great hobby.

PPPPP 642

Recommended Reading

• Self Improvement
• Winning or Whining
• What You Know that They Don’t Know
• The Hardest Words
• The Vacation You Have Been Waiting For
• The Best Senior Citizens Ever
• Smart Senior Shoppers
• Should you Buy Before you Die?
• Rebuilding Bridges
• Sharing the Grief
• Opening the Flood Gate of Communications with the Grandkids

If you could sit down with a pencil and paper and list what the top five goals most people would put for their senior citizen years, what do you suppose would go on that list? Financial security would probably rank pretty high. And time with family would get good marks. But just based on the thing that seems to be most on the minds of senior citizens, the thing that would probably rank the highest would be good health, avoiding injury and continued long life.

Now if you attend a seminar in good health for seniors, usually the things that get covered are diet issues and exercise. But more and more, research into what seniors are most successful and consistently live the longest and have the lowest incidence of health problems are not the ones who statistically work the hardest to observe strict diet and exercise guidelines. In other words, the senior citizens that are the most successful at being the best senior citizens ever are the ones who obsess the least about being successful.

Much has been made of “the power of positive thinking” lately and some of it is probably a bunch of hype. But this research on the effect of attitude on how well senior citizens do mentally, emotional and physically does lend some credibility that a senior citizens outlook on life seem to have a great deal to do not only with their quality of life but how frequently you get sick and on longevity.

Part of why this is has to do with expectations. If you enter your senior years with the expectation that you will be ill more often, will experience periods of low energy and will decline quickly over your senior years, that is probably what is going to happen to you.

This is not just because the thoughts themselves have any power like the positive thinking people would have us believe. But if each day you wake up anticipating poor health and low stamina, you won’t be as active during the day. You won’t want to socialize with others and you won’t have goals and ambitions. And these are the kinds of things that keep people of any age going. By “giving up” to the onset of old age, we send a signal to our minds and to our bodies that there will be no effort to stay fit and healthy. And because there is no effort in those directions, poor health and low energy results.

Some call this the “self fulfilling prophecy” syndrome. Senior citizens that think they will do well, have an active lifestyle and continue to enjoy good health are the ones that do just as well as they think they will. But their counterparts seem to be able to “think themselves ill”.

There is a lot of cause and effect looking at your life with confidence and ambition can have. And it has been frequently shown that senior citizens who are active, who get out and take on projects, spend time with others and refuse to let old age get them down are the ones that stay happy and healthy longer and have better quality of life throughout their retirement years.

Another paradox of the importance of attitude on the quality of life of a senior citizen has to do with thinking of others more than yourself. Senior citizens who do volunteer work are active in helping others and who are always finding ways to bless the lives of family and friends also seem to be happier and more successful members of the senior community. To state this simply, those who worry about others the most, benefit the most personally. But those who worry about themselves the most have the most to worry about.

The best way to turn around the effects of bad attitude and get a change of outlook is seek better companionship. The old saying “misery loves company” is quite accurate. So to get a better mental attitude, be with people who have good attitudes. A positive and creative outlook on life is contagious. And it’s worth the effort to change how you view your retirement life because to think negatively is only going to lead to problems. But if your attitude says you will get the best from life, you will experience that and become the best senior citizen ever.

PPPPP 733

Recommended Reading

• Self Improvement
• Winning or Whining
• What You Know that They Don’t Know
• The Hardest Words
• The Vacation You Have Been Waiting For
• The Craftiness of Crafts
• Smart Senior Shoppers
• Should you Buy Before you Die?
• Rebuilding Bridges
• Sharing the Grief
• Opening the Flood Gate of Communications with the Grandkids